


The Meeting What We Decide What To Do About Karkat

by itsrose



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Doomed Timelines, M/M, Meteorstuck, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:54:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23573449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsrose/pseuds/itsrose
Summary: ROSE AND DAVE AND KAANAY DISCUS THE KARKAT
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 11
Kudos: 40





	The Meeting What We Decide What To Do About Karkat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [itsdave](https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsdave/gifts).



ROSE: Call to order! Call to order!  
DAVE: yeah call to order  
KANAYA: Rose  
KANAYA: Dave  
KANAYA: We Have Already Decided Not To Carry Out Our Secret Meetings In That Way  
DAVE: call  
DAVE: to order  
ROSE: Call to order! Her Right Honorable Kanaya Maryam is here!  
DAVE: shes here?  
KANAYA: Yes I Am Here  
DAVE: what do you mean we know shes here  
ROSE: I am pretty sure that is the standard way of announcing the arrival of a high standing official in court.  
DAVE: nope  
DAVE: definitely not  
ROSE: How would you know?  
DAVE: because its ridiculous  
ROSE: > Kanaya: Back me up here.  
KANAYA: I Wouldnt Know How To  
KANAYA: I Know Next To Nothing About The Earth Judicial System  
ROSE: Okay! This isn't the point of this meeting!  
DAVE: no you are not allowed to say nutty things that completely derail our proceedings and then just shrug it off as not on the docket  
ROSE: Disruptions are not on the docket.  
ROSE: What you just said is a complete paradox.  
ROSE: And you were calling to order, too!  
DAVE: yeah because thats the way of our dark weird meteor society  
KANAYA: That Is Not The Way  
KANAYA: And Again This Is Nothing Resembling A Court On Any Planet  
KANAYA: We Need To Discuss Our Problems With Karkat  
DAVE: yeah thats right  
ROSE: (She's a born leader.)  
KANAYA: Karkat Is  
KANAYA: Very Good  
DAVE: hes great hes an angel  
ROSE: Karkat is fine.  
KANAYA: I Agree  
KANAYA: But  
KANAYA: We Also Hate Him  
KANAYA: Right  
DAVE: oh you dont even know i *hate* karkat the troll  
DAVE: he is a total piece of a shit  
ROSE: I want to rip his stupid face off with my bare hands.  
KANAYA: I Would Greatly Enjoy Kicking Karkat Vantas In The Face  
ROSE: I would like to smash a pumpkin on his belly.  
KANANA: So We Are Agreed  
DAVE: oh no here he comes  
KARKAT: HEY GUYS! HAHA, I'M KARKAT!  
KARKAT: HAHA, HEY!  
KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU UP TO HERE AT THIS TABLE?  
DAVE: KARKAT YOU TOTAL PIECE OF SHIT YOU GARBAGE HEAP  
ROSE: KARKAT YOU MOTHER FUCKER  
KANAYA: FUCK FUCK KARKAT  
KANAYA: I HATE YOU  
ROSE: I WANT TO SMASH A PUMPKIN ON YOUR BELLY  
DAVE: KARKAT I WANT TO RUB A BANANA ON YOUR FACE WITH MY OPEN PALM UNTIL IT ALL SMEARS OUT  
ROSE: KARKAT I WANT TO GRIND A RASP AGAINST YOUR NECK UNTIL YOUR HEAD FALLS OFF AND ROLLS AROUND GOING OOO WAAA OOO WAAA  
KANAYA: KARKAT I WILL SERIOUSLY COME OVER THERE AND PERSONALLY DECAPITATE YOU BEFORE ROSE DOES BECAUSE I HATE YOU SO MUCH  
DAVE: KARKAT  
DAVE: FUCK YOU  
ROSE: KARKAT I WOULD SOONER SUSPEND YOU BY THE ANKLES WITH AN INTRICATE SYSTEM OF PULLEYS AND USE YOUR GAPING BUTT HOLE AS A TOILET THAN BE YOUR FRIEND  
KANAYA: I WILL DESTROY YOU KARKAT  
DAVE: KARKAT IF YOU CONTINUE BEING A KARKAT VANTAS FOR AN EIGHTH OF A SECOND LONGER I SWEAR I WILL DRILL HOLES STRAIGHT THROUGH THE SIDES OF YOUR HORNS AND TIE AN ELEPHANTS TAIL THROUGH THEM SO YOULL HAVE TO BE SUSPENDED FROM THE BUTT OF AN ELEPHANT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE  
KANAYA: KARKAT I WILL GRANT YOU UNQUALIFIED IMMORTALITY AND SUSPEND YOU IN A TASTY SOLUTION OF SUGAR WATER  
KANAY: ENCASED IN A GLASS SPHERE THIRTY MILES IN DIAMETER  
KANAA: YOU WILL KNOW NOTHING BUT DROWNING IN DELICIOUS COCA COLA FOR ETERNITY  
ROSE: KARKAT YOUR STUPID HEAD  
DAVE: KARKKAAAAAAAAT  
KANAYA: FUUUUUUCK  
DAVE: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK FUCK YOU  
ROSE: KARKAT DIE  
ROSE: I HATE YOU  
ROSE: HARKATTTTT  
ROSE: KFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK!!!  
KANAYA: AAAAAAGHHH KARKAT YOUR HEAD AND YOUR FACE  
DAVE: oh hes leaving  
ROSE: Bye, Karkat!  
ROSE: We love you!  
KANAYA: We Love You Karkat  
KANAYA: Never Forget  
DAVE: never forget that we all love you karkat  
DAVE: you piece of fucking shit  



End file.
